Unprofitable families to be privatised

Families will get the option of disappearing into the wilderness

Following government concerns that poorly-run family units are a burden on the taxpayer, underperforming households are to be managed by private firms.

Iain Duncan-Smith said: ?The problem with most families is that they?ve only ever run one household, whereas companies like ?Excelsior Families? or ?Northern Family Units? are experts in the field.

A spokesman for Northern Family Units said: ?Even the most feckless family has a number of possible revenue streams. For example, we charge relatives for visiting rights.

?You set up a little box office in the kitchen and? sell the grandparents ?15 ?visiting wristbands? with the option of buying overpriced grab bags of Starburst for the little ones.

?When the grandparents sadly die, you pack the family off into a van and tour them as an itinerant circus act, or quasi-Victorian chimney sweeps.

?There are plenty of chimneys out there with no children to fill them.?

Labour?s Harriet Harman said: ?We would follow the same policy, but rather than grinning like sadistic ghouls we would do it with sad faces.?

Source: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/unprofitable-families-to-be-privatised-2013040865005

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