Some would say that we have entered the ?wedding season,? when weddings are happening all over the place.?? The traditional month for weddings is June, but it is clearly more a ?spring/summer? thing than a specific month.
But not only is this a traditional season for weddings, it has also become a season for debate about the whole question of marriage. In State Legislatures around the country the debates are heated.?? The question of expanding the legality of marriage beyond the traditional male-female configuration seems to have raised the hairs on the necks of a number of people ? particularly those on the more conservative side of the legislatures.? For the most part, those persons seem to be Republicans, although not exclusively.
The rush to create legislation (even Constitutional amendments) to ban the right of persons of the same gender from marriage seems to be popular with people on the right side of the aisle.? Here in Rhode Island, however,? the? predominantly Democratic legislature, chaired by an openly gay legislator came as close to passing permissive legislation as it ever has, but has settled back into a willingness to allow civil unions, but not marriages.
For the most part, the arguments against same-gender marriage are infuriating.? They are based upon stereotypes and are fueled with poorly-defined religious references.?? Redneck theology is prominent.
The humorous argumentation billows around the idea that the extension of same gender marriage rights would endanger the existing pristine state of marriage by persons of opposite genders.?? To put that in less politically-correct language, the argument fears that homosexual couples will destroy the perfect state of marriage experienced by heterosexuals.? I have to wonder what newspapers, magazines, and television shows these people have been viewing.? If there was ever an institution in trouble it is that of traditional marriage. The ridiculous bed-hopping with a license in one?s pocket being depicted by Hollywood and its performers as marriage is embarrassing.?? Multiple marriages that acknowledge that they are only temporary is a violation of the definition of marriage, itself.
It is important to distinguish between the words marriage and wedding. A wedding is a ceremony; a marriage is a life-long commitment which is observed or celebrated by a wedding. I know it is understood by many that the most important moment in the wedding is the kiss at the end of the ceremony, but technically (both theologically and legally) the most significant moment in the wedding ceremony is the exchange of promises.? Those vows are promises of fidelity, unadulterated support and loving care, and a plan to live out the promises until death creates a separation.? Crossed fingers don?t count.? Substitution of less specific language doesn?t either.? (Although I celebrate the removal of the word ?obey? from most ceremonies.) The presence of a clergyperson or licensed municipal official is not to attest to the fact that a kiss took place, but that the two people committed themselves to each other by appropriate vows.
Unfortunately, a huge number of traditional couples enter into weddings with incomplete, insincere, and sometimes fraudulent intentions.? Immaturity plays a huge factor in those weddings.? Lack of preparation with a qualified professional is rampant.? The dress, the cake, the band and the honeymoon are the focus.?? The idea of marriage as a lifetime commitment, including bad moments that will attempt to disrupt the integrity and require sacrifice and forgiveness, is absent.
The weddings of persons of the same gender which I have attended, and in which I have participated, are impressive because of the seriousness which the couples bring to them.? They are familiar with relationships; what they seek is permanence, respect, and affirmation.? Their marriages are not entered into because they are available; to the contrary, they have had to be fought over in humiliating legislature sessions.? Those marriages come with a price and the couples entering into them have to know in advance that it is going to be a difficult road ahead.? It will be wonderful and joyous, but it will also be tough.?? And some of those marriages won?t make it.? Human nature is not restricted to traditional couples.
Rather than diminishing the significance of traditional marriage, it is more likely that the experience in a community of same gender marriage is a textbook reminding others of the seriousness and difficulty of keeping the vows made in a wedding.? From what I have seen the contributions of same gender couples to a community have been impressive.? To participate in rejecting or banning such marriages is unimaginable.??? It limits the completeness of a community.
Photo Credit:? Jeff Belmonte
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